I remember almost 6 years ago, you walked inside my college class room you are our speaker that night, for one of our seminars, you are a bit late, a little shy, but you’re carrying a huge smile on your face, white shirt khaki pants, cleaned cut hair, you are the most refreshing sight for me on that night.
I am not attracted to you or what not, definitely not the type I would be attracted to, but I knew then that I found a kindred spirit, someone I could really love and cared for, all I want then is to know you, it doesn’t even matter if I wouldn’t be thrown any glance at all, quite funny that I am satisfied with just knowing you.
When you speak, it was made known that there is a very intelligent person in our midst, and the only thing you did is to give us your life story. You touched my heart simply by showing us your vulnerability, your struggles and how it made you a better person.
That night I was reprimanded by my professor, who is your friend, but It actually doesn’t matter because all I can think about is, you and how great a person you are.
Days past we’re able to communicate through social media, kind of great to live in the 21st century!.
You asked for my number, I gave it. I was actually surprised that you are willing to be an acquaintance, because I never expected friendship from you.
That same night you called, I am introverted and all but for the first time in my life, I was thrilled to hear a voice coming from the phone.
We’ve grown close to each other, you are the older one, and you provide me a lot of insights about things. Thinking back, I really miss those 3 am talks, how you are never surprised whenever I brought up topics about communism, psychology and other weird and deep things, as if you are never tired to hear me out, you are even the first person who knew a personal struggle of mine, and I am thankful that you cared.
We’ve met again, after some months, you are in theater, and you invited me and my friends to watch you act, I put on make up, I wore something that would make me cute, how futile that was, when I know you only look at me as a little sister, but right then is when an attraction for you solidifies.
I got scared of what I felt that night, I realize that I am growing possessive of your friendship, possessive of you, I realize that I might be bothering you and I started to minimize my interaction, It got me mortified that I am becoming selfish, because I know it’s wrong to get jealous of your friends, to get jealous of my friends who are becoming an acquaintance of you as well. How I came from being content of just simply knowing you to wanting to monopolize you, and such selfishness is only punishable by withdrawing myself from you.
Years past, every now and then I say hello, but still can’t force myself to talk to you like before, I have come to a point where I admit that I was childish and immature back then, you might have lost interest in me and with my friendship but I never for once stopped being thankful that I know you, you are always in my heart and in my prayers, and you won’t be really gone.
I used to say that I only write about people as a sign of saying goodbye to them, like when I write about someone I am saying “here you are just a chapter in my story, and I am turning the page”, but that is not the case for you, this is not to let you go and cut you off from my life. You are an important page in my story, you are that chapter I would be re-reading and would have a smile every time, you’ve been so good to me, and I can’t and won’t say goodbye.