I am aware that I may not have you or that you may not happen, Nonetheless I believe that every girl is my child as well, and this goes to every young girls, that I would come to touch lives with.
Though I want to tell you that I am somewhat anxious to have you, not because I would not be able to love you, or care for you, I want to tell you that since I am able to know what’s wrong and what’s right I am already loving you, and I am already working toward giving you the life that I never had, I am willing to become a better person everyday, I am working for growth, because I have you in mind.
But I somewhat worry for a life that you would be born into, your mother though loving is a complex woman with a dark past, you know I never had a good childhood and I don’t want you to have such a life.
You would be born a girl and this world would think of your gender as weak, this society would deem unequal to a man on most days, a thing that I was not able to choose for myself or thought before that I had power over with.
At young age you may feel like you have to conform to things you may have not put your mind into deciding yet, your peers might tell you that the only way to be loved is to be beautiful or if you look good enough or if you act a certain way, polite and submissive.
I am afraid that like me you might get abused both physically and sexually just because most men think that they were so entitled to, because you are a girl and they look at girls in a box, simply as objects, and I don’t want you to think that it’s your fault, it’s no girls fault!.
I don’t want you to get into a relationship much early than you ought to, just to fill up a void in your heart, thinking that my love and other people who care for you are not enough, that you would give your heart and body to a boy just to hold on to a relationship that is eventually going to be disposable.
I don’t want you to have the same scenario at 3 am, when I turn 25, choosing over sleeping pills and a bottle of beer or keeping myself busy with unimportant things, while none of them can put me to sleep or take away the numbness inside, thinking how did my life come to this.
Or constantly feel alienated, because you think differently, and feel so deeply just like me if ever you grew up the way I am. I don’t want you to think that you are alone and that all people just want to use you. I don’t want you to give up on people and cut yourself off from those who love you, thinking you don’t deserve such love, like what I had to believe in and too wounded to accept.
I don’t want you to be angry at anyone or to yourself, for the things they can’t give and for the things you can’t become, I had to deal with such emotion and believe me, revenge has a hollow end to it. I don’t want you to think that you are not good enough and that you have to play a part when all you need to do is drop the act.
What I want you to remember is that I love you no matter what!. This life could be cruel, people can just really be mad about someone who do not conform to their standard of what is beautiful, but your worth does not rely on that, you have inestimable worth that does not depend whether you look good, if you have the perfect shape, if you have money, if you wear certain kind of clothes, or if you have a man or not.
This is the reason I had battled with my demons for you, those things in the past are dead and I am fighting for your life, for your future, it is the freedom I would want to give you. One reason I am doing all this work, is not just to reconcile the me in the present, to myself in the past, but for other girls as well, girls like you that are not born yet. In the hope that I could protect them. Someday I will practice it, nothing is too late and I will make you proud.
Another thing, I want you to be aware of is that you are loved more than you know and before you were ever born.